we've come a long way, baby

on the long drive home from Georgia Asah and I began to reflect on where we were exactly one year ago, July 4th weekend 2009. i can honestly say it was one of the darkest times i can ever remember. there was a cloud of grief, uncertainty, hopelessness....there was something wrong with our son and we were on the verge of receiving a diagnosis that would change our lives forever. i can remember the feelings, tears, sleepless nights, wrestling in prayer with God, begging for mercy....anything but Autism Lord.
i cannot remember when the cloud lifted but it eventually did...and we began to see Jordan (again) as just Jordan, our bright precious boy who had a label but WAS NOT defined by that label...we began to dig deep into research and therapies and doctors visits and evaluations. it was overwhelming and a full time job in and of itself. advice (both wanted and unwanted) came pouring in from all sides. i was clueless but peaceful and i knew that God would guide...and he did. it is amazing the gift he gives us, as parents...to just know what is right for your child. i have no doubt He led us to the right therapies, specialists...opened doors that were closed, gave him compassionate teachers and people who understood. looking back i'm just amazed at how it all took place and i can truly say that today we are not in the same place. we are hopeful. God has been gracious to us. Autism is a terrible thing but I believe that God's plan is so much greater. We've been so encouraged by the progress this year has brought. Jordan is speaking in complete sentences, drawing lines and starting to trace, and working hard in social areas. We have so far to go, but I KNOW he can do it!
to those who've helped us get through this year, my heartfelt thanks. i dont think i'll ever understand it; and that there wont be days that i'm not overcome by the grief that tends to seep in from time to time. the hardest times for me are when hes with kids his own age and their having conversations with their mommy and drawing pictures and participating and even sitting still for more than 2 minutes....those are tough times...but then there are times, like the other night, when i got an "i love you" (a spontaneous one; without me telling him first or asking him to say "i love you too mommy") or when he plays with my hair at bedtime, or cackles while wrestling with his daddy.
we were out on the lake July 4th and i was telling someone about J's struggles. they said something that i've never really considered, and i dont know why i havent considered it...."Maybe God will give him a new name, just like Abraham". of course, God can heal Jordan.....fully. and i have prayed to that end, believe me, there have been hours of prayers asking God to make Jordan whole. and the fact is we are not the same people we were a year ago. and i'll never stop praying for a 'new name'. but if it doesnt happen, God is still sovereign, and he is still SO GOOD to us. we are thankful for this year, no matter how difficult. we cling to God's grace and mercy. i cant wait to see what the future holds for our precious boy.